what to do?

July 23, 2007

Some days I worry a lot about whether my daughter will have friends.


And really, there’s only so much you can do. The kid is bright and funny but she has the albatross of an insanely strong will around her neck. She wants to do what she wants to do, and no matter how many times I gently explain that in order to have people to play with, you have to do what they want to do sometimes, she doesn’t hear it. (And then she cries and freaks out — but that’s another post entirely.)

I couldn’t tell you how many times she came home from school last year, complaining that a certain friend promised to play with her after lunch but then she wouldn’t. (A small amount of coaxing unearthed the fact that — surprise, surprise — said friend would ask her to play repeatedly, but my dear daughter said no to every suggestion. sigh.)

I’ve talked with this other girl’s mom and we both agree that all you can do is what I’ve been doing — I can’t force her to be a more flexible person. And it just might take a dose of heartache before she really understands that if she’s bossy, no one will want to play with her. And while I am glad she’s not the polar opposite (a people-pleaser who’s swayed easily by her peers), I cringe at the thought of what’s ahead.

So frustrating. I’m trying to give her the tools she needs to have friends, but I can’t inject them into her heart. My strong-willed girl……


One comment

  1. Julie, Forest is the same way. We have weekly playdates at the local park with a couple of my friends and their children, and he always is in charge of the games. If they don’t play what he wants to play, he plays it alone anyway, and just calls for them to come over. I’ve been doing the same thing you’re doing, and just hoping it clicks one day that he has to do what his friends want to do as well.

    My Ped has always said from the beginning, regarding him, that he is going to be an amazing leader one day, and it will pay off then, but in the mean time he might give me a lot of grey hairs. hehe

    Good luck to us both!

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